So, when I resigned from my job, I had a great peace about it.  I knew I was making the right decision.  Nearly three months later and I can’t seem to get my mind off having to eventually go back to work.  My panic disorder has been flourishing as a result of my wrong thinking.  I’m focused on what I gave up instead of what I’m gaining by trusting Jesus and keeping the faith that He works everything for our good and the good of others.  Instead of living each day out, I wake up in a panic over everything.  I am trying with the help of the holy spirit to live one day at a time, and to get even more granular, one moment at a time.  So, the weeks following my resignation seemed full of promise for relaxation and some relief from the anxiety.  But then I had a setback.  I went off my medicine for a couple of weeks due to cost (this prescription costs over $600 per month without insurance), and landed right back into a major depression–or double depression as it’s called in conjunction with Dysthymia.  I am back on the medicine and my husband should be getting insurance through his employer next month…alleuia!  So, I found myself right back in that dark pit with the realization that I require medicine to avoid it.  So, I experienced a disappointing setback, but I’ve decided that I’m not giving up.  God never said the Christian life was going to be easy, but He did promise we could do life in His strength.  Figuring out how to do that is part of the battle.  It’s in the surrender.  We are told to give it to God and not to worry.  Back to the basics: stop with the nonsensical worry and start living in the moment and enjoying the life Jesus died to give me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s